i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
How's work?
Spinning.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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