My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
