I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
