last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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