At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My ass is underappreciated
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Randomize
