Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
