tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
