He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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