Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
