I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
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who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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