Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
