I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
