Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
