Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
