Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
