put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
