I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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