Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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