the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
