forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
