When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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