i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
