margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
