We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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