Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
