I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
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Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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