it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
