Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
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I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
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The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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