we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
