i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
