Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
