this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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