i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
