and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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