when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
