i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
