I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
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I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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