Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
