Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
