Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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