how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
