I think I am morally bankrupt
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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