i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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