Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
