If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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