every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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