Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
