I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
