After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
