btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
