P.S. I can't hear my feet
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
