if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
In other news, I just burned my penis
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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