he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When did angry sex become our thing?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
