Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
