i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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