You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
