last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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