im holly from the hills drunk
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
