I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How does one acquire holy water?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
