Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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