I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
