The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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