I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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