you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
