she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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