I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
