he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
