omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
