Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
